For guys with low self-esteem or crippling shyness, dating can be a minefield! After all, we’re always told that the key to being an attractive man is confidence… but where does that leave those of us who aren’t quite as bold as we might like?
If the prospect of a first date makes your palms sweat and fills your stomach with butterflies then this article is for you.
The good news?
Dating as a shy guy doesn’t need to be a traumatic event.
Just follow the tips below and you’ll find that you can compete on the dating scene even with the most self-assured of suitors.
ONE: Remember You’re Not Alone
Something that a lot of guys find really helpful is simply knowing that they’re not alone when it comes to their shyness, social anxiety or low self-esteem. In fact, these things are way more common than you might think.
Pretty much every guy has, at some point, felt anxious or doubtful about their ability to flirt. Indeed, it’s perfectly normal to feel nervous when talking to a woman or out on a date. Take a look at any couple you see out on the street. However calm he might seem on the outside, the guy is probably panicking deep down!
TWO: Confidence Is A Trick
With that in mind – how come other guys seem so sure of themselves?
What is it that they know and you don’t?
Perhaps it’s this: the secret to confidence is simply pretending that you have it! That’s it. That’s all there is to it. You don’t need to be completely self-assured or confident in your abilities. As a matter of fact you don’t even need to have any abilities. All you need, in order for women to perceive you as a strong and confident man, is the ability to pretend.
What about the oodles of dating advice out there that tells you to “just be yourself”? Doesn’t pretending to be more confident than you actually are run counter to that? Well, yes, it does. But the cool thing about pretending to be confident is this: if you do it for long enough, you won’t be pretending anymore. Soon enough you’ll find that the act has become real, and you’re way less nervous than you used to be. How’s that for a neat trick?
THREE: Build Up To It
Don’t expect to be able to radiate confidence immediately the first time you try. Just like any skill, it’s something you need to practice a lot in order to get better at it. Thankfully there are loads of opportunities to hone your skills. Any time you talk to another human being, you have the opportunity to practice presenting yourself as a strong and confident individual. Think about your tone of voice, your posture, the words you use and the way you make decisions. Not sure how to change these things? Just take a look at other people and see how they do it. You can even watch films or read books to get an idea of how confident men are supposed to behave. Then it’s just a case of getting out there and practicing until your skills are honed to perfection.
FOUR: Let Her Do The Talking
So you’ve practiced a bit, and you’ve learned how to project a confident self-image. Great! You’re already well on your way to dating success. But what about that awkward first date, when you never know what to say? Well, there’s a simple answer for that – get her to do the talking!
This works in your favour in all sorts of ways: women love a man who listens, and you’ll be a refreshing change from all the self-obsessed guys she might have dated in the past. By taking an interest in her and getting her to do most of the talking not only do you take pressure off yourself, but you also demonstrate to her that you are interested in her.
As to how to actually get her talking – just ask questions! At the very start of the date you can ask about her day, about her work, or about her journey to meet you. Later on, pay attention to what she talks about and ask questions about it to get more detail. Make sure to nod, smile, and actively listen so that she knows you’re asking questions because you’re interested – not because you just want to interrogate her!
And Finally – DON’T WORRY!
Women actually find shy guys more attractive than they let on. After all, women often want someone sensitive, whose not going to talk over or belittle them. Don’t worry that your shyness or low self-esteem is going to put you at a disadvantage – in reality exactly the opposite is true. You’re a desirable minority, so get out there and get dating!